Fellow travellers, I know that many readers of the Sunday Times would have found this article about a Perth man who helped the irksome Andre Rieu recover from his bedridden state due to chronic and severe dizziness very uplifting.

Frankly, I found it nauseating. So nauseating, in fact, that after purging the soy smoothie I had just imbibed, I was actually struck with severe head-spins and had to have a long lie down myself!

Because of Bill Henshall's advice, Rieu is now back to recording and touring with a vengeance. Consequently not only must we all continue to suffer the near-criminal kitschiness of the vulgar violinist's McClassical muzak; but the planet will be burdened once again by the immense carbon footprint of Rieu's massive and ostentatious shows, recordings and merchandise.

Mr Henshall, if Rieu is bedridden once more with this problem and seeks your counsel then please, please don't respond - for Gaia's sake!