Well, fellow travellers, it's not surprising that planet hating reactionaries who lurk in the right-wing reaches of the blogosphere are all howling with laughter at this parody of Petula Clark's "Downtown". It just says sooo much about these nasty Gaia-phobes and what goes on inside their tiny minds.

Well, apart from being a complete misrepresentation of what Bob Brown and the Greens stand for it's also not at all funny.

And I am an expert in these matters, you know! Not only have I written and performed in many hilarious street theatre sketches over the years, I have also hand made several of the gigantic puppets you've no doubt seen at peace marches. And I am an enthusiastic practitioner of laughter yoga.

As well as the alleged "comedy" in said parody being mean-spirited in the extreme, the choice of the original Petula Clark song was also politically significant. A socially and environmentally aware reading of its lyrics shows it to be quite a reactionary work in itself. Read them, and you'll see what I mean.

In it, the lights and sounds of the CBD are deemed to be an effective cure for loneliness. It's practically a hymn (him?) to capitalism! Why it was ever a hit in the first place I'll just never know ...

For these reasons I exhort all of you who care about the planet to glare sternly at anyone who provocatively sings the song parody in your presence. And if, Gaia forbid, you find yourself replaying the lyrics in your mind, you should seek expert help immediately.

And in the interests of combating this noxious "comedy" assault on our campaign to lift the world's global consciousness I have created a parodic riposte. Yes, fellow travellers, you can fight fire with Sapphire by singing along to my own searing version of this classic by The Doors.

(BTW, upon reading it, some may be disappointed that the new version is not funny. Well, it's not meant to be. This expectation that song parodies should always provoke laughter is like the idea that poems should always rhyme. It's just more propaganda from dead white males. Besides, the issue is simply too serious to make light of.)

You know that it would be untrue,
You know that I would be a liar,
If I was to say to you
Burning coal is all okay with Gaia

Come on humans, stop burning coal fires
Come on humans, stop burning coal fires
Don't try to set the world on fire

The time to hesitate is through
No time to wallow in the capitalist mire
Try now we simply cannot lose,
Carbon tax is what Gaia desires

Come on humans, stop burning coal fires
Come on humans, stop burning coal fires
Don't try to set the world on fire
Don't try to set the world on fire
Don't try to set the world on fire
Don't try to set the world on fire

Inspiring, isn't it?